This is my first blog post in 73 days. Let me blow away the cobwebs! Luckily I remembered my password to the WordPress site! You might be wondering where I’ve been. Maybe you’ve been missing me. I’ve missed you.
My last post chronicled the death of my mother Heather. When I wrote that post I was probably in shock and pumped full of adrenaline. I was busy making funeral arrangements and making sure the rest of my family was okay. I think I neglected to check if I was okay. After the funeral and life returned to my new normal- my life without my mother- I just didn’t feel like cooking, trying new recipes or writing this blog. I was actually very surprised by the depth of the sadness that enveloped me. This summer became one of survival and just trying to make it through it. Don’t worry! I didn’t cry all summer. I have lots of incredibly happy memories of times with my husband, kids and my dog.
I worked out pretty much everyday this summer! I religiously followed my P90X3 program. I rarely missed a day. I also had bought myself a Fitbit at the end of June (with all the Chapters gift cards I received as end of the year teacher gifts- so thanks for that!). I walked A LOT! This summer I averaged 15,000 steps a day- most of those steps were with Boyd. My husband is not a teacher so he worked all summer and my kids were super busy going to camps or playing with friends, so mostly it was just me and Boyd. Thank God for that dog! It was a little lonely. When my mother died I was told by countless people to “call anytime” which is so nice but truthfully (I can’t speak for all grieving people) but I would never do that- calling someone takes effort- everything seems harder when you are grieving. Getting out of bed was harder, making dinner was harder…. I didn’t refuse any invitations this summer but I didn’t go out of my way to make plans. I actually “enjoyed” my isolation- sometimes I felt sadder around happy “normal” people. So Boyd and I walked.
This summer I also became a case study on how “you can’t out run the fork”! I was very active this summer! But boy did I gain weight! I fell off the clean eating lifestyle. I ate chips. I drank beer. I ate poutine, A&W onion rings, ice cream, chocolate and lasagna. Did I mention that I ate chips? I gained weight. I feel very embarrassed by the weight I’ve gained. Some days, getting dressed in clothes that are uncomfortable and snug, I wish I can wear a tshirt that says “My Mommy Died so I Ate my Feelings”.
I am trying to get back on track but it’s a difficult road. Losing weight is hard but it’s especially hard if you aren’t 100% emotionally healthy. I’m trying to be nice to myself and take baby steps towards eating healthier. One of the baby steps I have taken is trying to at least eat a healthy lunch. I made this amazing recipe from Oh She Glows many times over the summer and it is a great recipe to make ahead to grab and go while you are running out the door to school or work. Its a recipe for Vegan Chicken Salad. I’m not a vegan but this is seriously great! The chickpeas totally taste like chicken- its magic!
Here’s what you will need:
- 1 (15-ounce/425-g) can chickpeas, drained and rinsed
- 2 stalks celery, finely chopped
- 3 green onions, thinly sliced
- 1/4 cup finely chopped dill pickle
- 1/4 cup finely chopped red bell pepper
- 3 tablespoons store-bought or homemade vegan mayonnaise
- 1 clove garlic, minced
- 1 1/2 teaspoons yellow mustard
- 2 teaspoons minced fresh dill (optional)
- 1 1/2 to 3 teaspoons fresh lemon juice, to taste
- 1/4 teaspoon fine-grain sea salt, or to taste
- Freshly ground black pepper
Honestly I’m still struggling. I thought that I would magically feel better once fall came. I am much better than I was but I still have a long way to go in this grieving process. I am going to try and eat MORE vegan chicken salad and LESS chips! 😄