This is my first blog post in 73 days. Let me blow away the cobwebs! Luckily I remembered my password to the WordPress site! You might be wondering where I’ve been. Maybe you’ve been missing me. I’ve missed you.
My last post chronicled the death of my mother Heather. When I wrote that post I was probably in shock and pumped full of adrenaline. I was busy making funeral arrangements and making sure the rest of my family was okay. I think I neglected to check if I was okay. After the funeral and life returned to my new normal- my life without my mother- I just didn’t feel like cooking, trying new recipes or writing this blog. I was actually very surprised by the depth of the sadness that enveloped me. This summer became one of survival and just trying to make it through it. Don’t worry! I didn’t cry all summer. I have lots of incredibly happy memories of times with my husband, kids and my dog.
I worked out pretty much everyday this summer! I religiously followed my P90X3 program. I rarely missed a day. I also had bought myself a Fitbit at the end of June (with all the Chapters gift cards I received as end of the year teacher gifts- so thanks for that!). I walked A LOT! This summer I averaged 15,000 steps a day- most of those steps were with Boyd. My husband is not a teacher so he worked all summer and my kids were super busy going to camps or playing with friends, so mostly it was just me and Boyd. Thank God for that dog! It was a little lonely. When my mother died I was told by countless people to “call anytime” which is so nice but truthfully (I can’t speak for all grieving people) but I would never do that- calling someone takes effort- everything seems harder when you are grieving. Getting out of bed was harder, making dinner was harder…. I didn’t refuse any invitations this summer but I didn’t go out of my way to make plans. I actually “enjoyed” my isolation- sometimes I felt sadder around happy “normal” people. So Boyd and I walked.
This summer I also became a case study on how “you can’t out run the fork”! I was very active this summer! But boy did I gain weight! I fell off the clean eating lifestyle. I ate chips. I drank beer. I ate poutine, A&W onion rings, ice cream, chocolate and lasagna. Did I mention that I ate chips? I gained weight. I feel very embarrassed by the weight I’ve gained. Some days, getting dressed in clothes that are uncomfortable and snug, I wish I can wear a tshirt that says “My Mommy Died so I Ate my Feelings”.
I am trying to get back on track but it’s a difficult road. Losing weight is hard but it’s especially hard if you aren’t 100% emotionally healthy. I’m trying to be nice to myself and take baby steps towards eating healthier. One of the baby steps I have taken is trying to at least eat a healthy lunch. I made this amazing recipe from Oh She Glows many times over the summer and it is a great recipe to make ahead to grab and go while you are running out the door to school or work. Its a recipe for Vegan Chicken Salad. I’m not a vegan but this is seriously great! The chickpeas totally taste like chicken- its magic!
Here’s what you will need:
- 1 (15-ounce/425-g) can chickpeas, drained and rinsed
- 2 stalks celery, finely chopped
- 3 green onions, thinly sliced
- 1/4 cup finely chopped dill pickle
- 1/4 cup finely chopped red bell pepper
- 3 tablespoons store-bought or homemade vegan mayonnaise
- 1 clove garlic, minced
- 1 1/2 teaspoons yellow mustard
- 2 teaspoons minced fresh dill (optional)
- 1 1/2 to 3 teaspoons fresh lemon juice, to taste
- 1/4 teaspoon fine-grain sea salt, or to taste
- Freshly ground black pepper
Read more: http://ohsheglows.com/2015/07/21/chickpea-salad/#ixzz3ml26IVUv
Super yummy on its own or as a sandwich on Art-Is-In Bakery bread. It’s not super photogenic but trust me- it’s delish!
Honestly I’m still struggling. I thought that I would magically feel better once fall came. I am much better than I was but I still have a long way to go in this grieving process. I am going to try and eat MORE vegan chicken salad and LESS chips! 😄
Glad you are back, missed your stories and recipes. So sorry about your Mom keep her smile close to your heart.
Thanks so much Karen!
Don’t worry about the weight gain (whatever it was). That happens to us all. You will get back on track as you can do it. Who can resist these things sometimes.
I hope so :)!
Thank you for sharing with us. My mom and Dad are in their 80s and I wonder how I will be emotionally when I am faced with loss. I can’t imagine. I hope I will be surrounded by family, dog and other things that will be an anchor.
Dogs are the best! Thanks Carol Ann!
Hey. I’m so sorry that you lost your mom. You look absolutely beautiful and glowing in these photos. I don’t believe you gained any weight. You look wonderful and you are treating yourself wonderfully with all that exercise… so pat yourself on the back. 🙂
Hang in there kiddo. I ‘m sure your Mom wouldn’t want you to wallow in it but give yourself permission to grieve. We all grieve differently and at our own pace. Looks like you have a very loving and supportive family that will help you through this.
Thanks so much Kim!
Hi Tracey. I am so sorry to hear about your mother’s passing. Please accept my sincerest condolences. I’m glad you had the support of your family and friends.